Keepin’ It Real in the Kitchen

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I know that everyone expects a food blog to be filled with beautiful pictures of perfectly cooked or baked foods but sometimes, you just gotta keep it real. Sometimes, a recipe (or the baker!!) goes totally wrong. Really, really wrong. Like today when I attempted to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies. If you haven’t noticed yet from the picture, these my friends were an EPIC FAIL!!! But you know what? That’s completely okay with me because not every recipe will turn out right and not everything will always be delicious. The good news is, it’s in the mistakes that we become better cooks. If you have ever read my Kitchen Disasters – We’ve ALL Been There post then you’re already keenly aware that I’ve had my fair share of disasters in the kitchen. Today was just one of those days. I was off my game and I messed up.

I am someone who thrives in organization and struggles to maintain my focus and keep my cool in chaos. Truthfully, I picked the wrong time to attempt a new baking recipe because at that current moment things in the house were utter chaos. The kids were running around being kids which basically means loud, giggly, and wild. To add to that I had my dog stalking me in the kitchen hounding me to feed her. Music was blaring, the phone kept ringing, and so on and so forth. I’m sure all of you parents out there can vividly picture this scenario. Most of you would have had the common sense to just step out of the kitchen. I, on the other hand, decided to bake cookies. Brilliant idea, right? SO wrong! So, so wrong!

I’m not even sure where it started to go off the rails but I suspect it was somewhere around when I added the butter. I think, although I am not 100% on this, that I added too much butter AND it was too soft. Obviously, at that point I was doomed to fail. But alas, it continued to only get worse. You would think after chilling the dough for an hour I would notice or even care that it still felt mushy. Nope. I just pressed on determined to make these damn cookies. While yelling at someone, I can’t even remember who at this point, I grabbed the wrong size cookie scoop and subsequently rolled out balls of dough that were literally the size of my toddler son’s head. Sure they looked wrong but, whatever! I didn’t have time to sweat those details as I was pulling my kids off of the walls and losing my mind. Then, oh yes…………..this story gets better!!…………….the recipe said to “flatten the cookies into disks“. Sure, no problem. SQUASH!! My gooey, pancake sized cookies were ready to hit the oven. I was killing it with these cookies!!!! ((insert eye roll here))

I am sure that you can assume what happened next in this cautionary tale. When you mix GIANT, mushy, over buttered, pancake sized cookies with heat, you know what you get, right?? Can you say……………SPREADING??!! I kid you not, when I checked on my lovely batch of cookies they were no longer round and cookie like, instead I had three pans each filled with one, huge rectangular blob of cookie. It was such a disaster. I should have pulled them out at the point and given up but again, I just kept pressing on. I let my cookie blob continue to cook, in fact I even let them OVERcook (for good measure) so that when I finally removed them from the oven they were black on bottom, raw on top, and pretty much glued to my Silpat.

After letting these horrid things cool, I tried in earnest to transfer them from the pan to the wire racks however, they weren’t budging. I was literally attacking them with my spatula the way one would use their shovel to hack away at a four foot frozen block of snow at the end of their driveway. It was hopeless. So, I began to just shovel my cookie mess into a pile on the pan so that I could chuck them into the garbage where they belong. As I am doing this I also had to pry my kids fingers from the cookie slop because it didn’t matter to them that they were a hot mess, if it’s sugar and it’s sweet they just want it in their bellies. They thought the cookies tasted great! My sweet babies, I appreciated their confidence in me but for real, these things were awful. So, with the kids finally out of the kitchen away the cookies went into the pail and out to the trash can. Good riddance!

Here’s the thing though, I fully recognize where I went wrong in this whole process but in the end, aside from wasting some ingredients, it was really no big deal to have a kitchen mishap. It happens to the best of us. I would bet good money that Bobby Flay has had a few doozies in his day too but like I said, it’s the mistakes that make us better. Just look at Bobby now!! I chalked up today to bad timing, crazy kids, and lots of distraction. That’s life, it happens! So tomorrow I’ll just get back up on my mixer and try, try again. That’s all I can do! With any luck I’ll be posting a pretty cookie picture and recipe soon!

Feel free to share your kitchen mishaps in the comments section. You know you have them too!! LOL Happy baking home cooking friends!!

 

Kitchen Disasters – We’ve ALL Been There

Most of the time recipes go as planned, your food looks great, and everything tastes delicious. But every now and again something goes wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong and all you can do, besides toss the mess into the trash, is laugh at yourself, learn from it, and move on. I have had my fair share of moments where a recipe went completely awry and I was left with a meal or a dessert that nobody wanted to eat. Or alternatively, that tasted fine but looked less than appetizing. It happens, even to the best of cooks! But hey, we wouldn’t grow as cooks (or people!!) if we didn’t fail and have to get back up again. So here are a few of my less than shining moments in the kitchen.

Metal Tomatoes

After college my husband and I moved to Florida and into our first apartment. Through his work we had made a few friends and one year when we couldn’t make it home to NY for Easter we decided to invite some of these friends over to our place for Easter dinner. I am Italian and Easter in my family is always lasagna, meatballs, sausage, and a baked spiral ham. So naturally I wanted to keep with tradition and serve the same meal to our new friends. Now, I knew how to make sauce and pull together lasagna and meatballs however, what I did NOT know at that time was the importance of using the right tools in the kitchen. Aluminum pots = NOT the right tools to make tomato sauce.

Before we moved my mom had given me a set of her old Farberware aluminum pots and pans. They were great for many things, not so much though when cooking tomatoes. Aluminum is a reactive metal and as such, will interact with the tomatoes and impart a distinct metallic taste into the sauce. Needless to say, I had an apartment full of people coming over who I had never cooked for before this gathering and I had a HUGE pot of sauce on the stove that tasted like metal. In a panic, I started adding sugar and extra spices to the sauce to try and counteract the metallic taste. It helped somewhat but I still noticed the “off” flavor in the sauce. At that point, I had to just cross my fingers and hope that once the pasta and cheese were in the mix the metallic flavor would be masked. In the end, everything turned out fine despite the sauce and thankfully everyone seemed to enjoy the meal. I learned a very valuable lesson that day about using the right tools for the job. Both cast iron and aluminum are NOT the right tools when making tomato sauce. Safe to say, I never made that mistake again.

Chicken Flip

A while back I decided to roast a whole chicken for the first time. I bought a nice little Purdue that had the pop up timer built in and I thought, easy peasy, there will be no messing this up. Ummmmmm. Yea. I messed it up! Let’s just say that the cooking time came and went as I was repeatedly sticking my head in the oven trying to find this stupid little pop up timer to let me know the chicken was done cooking. I could’t find it anywhere and was convinced that somehow they forgot to put the pop up timer in the bird. Since the chicken had been roasting for what seemed like forever I decided to finally just pull it out and take my chances. I put the chicken on the counter to rest while thinking to myself, “this chicken looks kind of odd“. The breast looked pretty flat, sort of bony, and wholly unappetizing. I figured I just got a weird looking bird (with no pop up timer!!) so I just brushed it off and didn’t give it another thought.

But then it came time to carve up the meat and to my surprise, there wasn’t really any breast meat. It felt hard, looked pretty gross, and seemingly had nothing I could get my knife through. My husband walks over, asks what the deal is with the funny looking bird and together we realize, OMG!!!!!…………………..I cooked the damn chicken UPSIDE DOWN!!!!! I wasn’t looking at the breast after all, I was trying to carve up his back! All I could do at this point was to flip over the poor chicken and laugh at my sheer stupidity. Once we flipped it over low and behold!!!………………there was the pop up timer that I was convinced didn’t exist along with all of the breast meat that I thought was missing! Having cooked upside down the whole time, the breast now looked a little less than appetizing but thankfully, in the end it was fine to eat and it was cooked pretty well too!! After that little debacle I learned which side is which and I’m proud to say that I’ve never cooked a chicken (or a turkey!!) upside down ever again!

Salt Lick Cookies

I have a great recipe for Fudgy Brownie Cookies that I’ve made countless times and every single time they’ve turned out perfect! I even made batches and batches of them one year to give out in cookie tins as Christmas gifts and everyone loved them. So one day I had my parents over for dinner and decided to throw these cookies together for dessert later that night. It’s a quick and easy recipe that I was very familiar with so I thought I could pop into the kitchen and bang them out pretty fast. My thinking was on point, my reality though, that was a different story! I was being interrupted about 1,458 times a minute by my then toddler son, Grayden. Trying to follow a recipe while at the same time attending to him is pretty much a recipe for disaster!

The recipe called for 1/4 tsp of baking soda to be added. Because I was reading the recipe while at the same time dealing with Grayden, I wasn’t paying close enough attention to the measurements that were called for. Instead of adding a 1/4 tsp of baking soda, I added 1/4 CUP of it. Baking soda, in case you weren’t aware, is VERY salty. Drop a 1/4 cup of it in your cookie dough and I promise you’ll gag, which is EXACTLY what I did when I tasted my dough a few minutes after mixing. There was simply NO way to salvage the cookie dough so in the trash it went and I had to start all over again. Lesson learned for sure, pay CLOSE attention to your recipes and measurements or you’ll end up with one big kitchen disaster on your hands and there is nothing worse than having to toss food! Oh!………….and avoid cooking with a toddler in the kitchen if you can help it!!

Zombie Pasta

Fairly recently I made a dish called “Drunken Spaghetti” which sounded pretty yummy when I read the recipe and it looked decent in the picture too. It was basically pasta that was cooked in both water AND red wine, the idea being that the pasta would absorb the wine as it cooked and impart a nice flavor to the finished dish. Once the pasta was ready you tossed it with chopped nuts, herbs, olive oil and cheese. All good things however, pasta that’s boiled in wine doesn’t look very nice or as richly colored as you might hope. Instead, it was kind gray. Gray pasta. Mmmmmm…………..sounds delish, right??

Overall, the flavor was actually somewhat interesting and the meal itself wasn’t terrible but it really didn’t look “pretty” or even appetizing for that matter. (I didn’t even attempt to get a picture of it!) My parents were over for dinner that night and my husband was working late so we ate before him and everyone kinda sorta liked the meal even though we were all put off by the overall appearance. So when my husband came home and I served him he looked at me like, “WTF is this???”.  I insisted it tasted good and to just try it. He kinda sorta liked the meal too but REALLY struggled with the color of the pasta and the overall look of the dish as we all did. He ate most of it but then gave up towards the end and said he couldn’t really take another bite. He subsequently named the dish “Zombie Pasta” since it was kind of gray, kind of reddish, and overall kind of unappetizing looking. He also told me to never, EVER make it again. So the lesson here is pasta doesn’t really look pretty after boiling in wine AND the photo editing programs they use in cookbooks is simply amazing because they somehow made “Zombie Pasta” look good and inspired me to actually try it!

As you can see, kitchen fails happen to even the best of us! So the next time you burn a cookie, forget an ingredient, or plate something that is zombie colored just know you’re in good company. We’ve ALL been there and done that! The best thing to do is to just chalk up your fail as a learning experience and then get back in the kitchen and do better the next time.

If at first you don’t succeed, just try, try again!